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February 14, 2017

Tinder, translated

I wrote this sometime last year and never got around to posting it. I figured today would be a good occasion to do so.

After you've been on dating apps for a while, you start recognising a pattern in what guys say in conversation or their bios. This is my effort to decode what they really mean. All of these are real examples, some collected from friends.

"I'm looking for a girl who has a sense of humour."
Translation: You need to laugh at my jokes, even if they're racist, sexist, or just not funny.

"I'm looking for a girl who doesn't take herself too seriously."
Translation: I'm looking for a girl who doesn't take herself seriously, but she needs to take me seriously. Otherwise my feelings will be hurt.

"I'm looking for a girl who can hold a conversation."
Translation: I think most women are vapid, only I am able to choose topics worthy of discussion.

"Swipe left if [insert quality here]."
Translation: I'm making it so that any of our interactions from now on are going to be based on you trying to win my approval.

"I'm attracted to introverted girls who don't know how pretty they are."
Translation: I'm not even making an effort to hide how creepy and predatory I am.

"I don't like girls who wear too much makeup [/something else girls do]."
Translation: I'm going to criticise activities commonly associated with women even though I don't do shit to actually help dismantle patriarchal structures which encourage those things in the first place.

"Not your typical Asian guy."
Translation: I have internalised racism issues I need to sort out before anyone should try dating me.

"I happen to find Asian women more attractive and personable."
Translation: Punch me in the face if you see me on the street. Go on, punch me.

And this is why I've had such little success with online dating, I'm too cynical and judgemental. I've given up now, my time can be better spent. Happy Valentine's Day from this feminist killjoy who can't take a joke!

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